Friday, September 12, 2008
~ 9/12/2008 07:33:00 PM ~
It's my first time stripping my pride to love someone this way, I've never felt this way before, liking you so much even when it's so wrong. I try to be with you every time but I'm not allowed to 'cause it's wrong for the two of us to be together, I try to get close to you, only to face rejection. Even though I know you'd just be cold towards me, I still did many things for you unconditionally. I'm controlled as if I'm chained up and whipped.
You're like a star to me, so high up, so high I can never reach you.
I can only stare at you from a far.
Every time you're not there, I would ask everyone where you went, where you are.
I'd watch you from a distance, and when you notice me I would look away, but I believe
you've already noticed me.. you look into my eyes, as if you feel the same way. I believed
in that, only to find out that it wasn't.
You toyed with my feelings from three years back, randomly approaching me whenever you like,
as if I'm a toy meant to be played with. I thought I meant something to you, you talk
to your friends about me, but hardly mention anything else. You never speak to
me about anything besides work or you would just leave a comment that didn't really mean
much.
Whenever you say something that upsets me, I would be sad the whole day.
I would brood over what you'd say and think about it non-stop.
Not only that, every single day I think of you. Think about what
you think of me. Thinking if you're thinking of me too.
Think about what you're doing now, who you're with and where you are.
Thinking if I mattered to you.
To only find the answer to be no. You behave as if you feel mutual about
me, you also behave nonchalant and indifferent to me.
Loving you is a pain and caused me to suffer much.
I went overseas for an entire month —— having to make up excuses
that I went 'cause my parents sent me there —— to try to forget you.
It worked.. but when I'm back to school, I see you and once again,
you caressed my face. And there goes the entire month of attempting.
Now I'm back into the wheel of redemption, trying
hard to forget you all over again.
Hurting myself everyday, however painful, I still try to
make it to school everyday, just to see your face.
I would help you do almost anything, just like
a guy would to his girlfriend, but I can't because
I don't know what you're thinking, if you'd like it or not.
What would others think if they saw both of us together,
because it's wrong.
You're so close to me, yet so far. Sometimes you
come really close to me, both physically and emotionally.
But yet.. you still felt really distant from me.
Sometimes I feel we're as close as a couple. And once again, I cannot
be one with you because.. it's forbidden - literally.
You lied down on the same bed as me once,
we were that close, yet still. I couldn't feel you like
you were beside me.
But it seems like now, I'm gonna have to seriously try to forget you, even though
it's gonna hurt, and seem impossible. But still, I'll have to.
Sometimes I really hate you.
Such gay love.
