Valentine's day in eight days time, like.. most of the guys in class are talking about it. 'Cept me, again. Even Gabriel.
Probably gonna be alone on that day then, like any other day.
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Today sucked, got scolded by MsSiew for no big reason. Spent recess alone on the bench. Went home in tears. Unbearable feeling, bottling up feelings for four years, and people really do go crazy when they bottle up too much. I can tell 'cause I've been crying for no reason and've been really fragile recently.
Sounds like what a girl would do, but screw that.. sudden urge to shout out loud, and sing at kBox. But'll have to wait after common test. Having to pretend everyday though the person is right beside you everyday. It's not like I don't wanna forget, but you can't forget someone you see everyday other day. Been misled since the previous years, and recently, specifically today; found out that it'll never be possible. And even so eight days later.
Almost cried on the train home, but forced the tears back. Felt really weak and tired today, so I took the bus home instead.. only to find the bus only having me on it. Quiet, sobbing through the entire journey. Took one whole round back to my house, though I could've allighted fourteen stops ago. But I felt I needed the time I be left alone anyways. And I wouldn't get that at home.
Sat under my void deck for awhile, thinking through things. I've been telling myself to forget about it since the end of last year. Yeah sure, that's what I've been saying but is virtually impossible. I tell myself not to get soft hearted, but yeah. That's also not possible. Went in, saw Money at the door wagging her tail. She seemed to be able to tell I was sad and cried, snuggled up to me. Hugged her and continued.
Will stop here.. nothing much to write about anyway, all the above are all bullcrap. But blogging's the only way to vent.
